Pop Top 40: Hot 100 week ending 12/21/85

1985 is almost 40 years ago. In other news, I'm old.

[this week, last week, title, artist, weeks on chart (peak to date)]
1 3 SAY YOU, SAY ME –•– Lionel Richie — 7 (1) — Imperial Phase Lionel Richie, which means that even though this is seriously bottom of the barrel material, it raced to #1, giving the soundtrack to the Jeff Bridges vehicle White Nights an unlikely pair of chart-toppers (see #5). Nothing more need be said about it.
2 1 BROKEN WINGS –•– Mr. Mister – 14 (1) — Alfred fairly nailed it.
3 4 PARTY ALL THE TIME –•– Eddie Murphy – 12 (3) — Rick James’s biggest pop success was writing and producing this #2 smash (it would spend three weeks stuck behind “Say You, Say Me”) for Murphy, which only made it to #8 R&B. James probably should’ve kept this for himself, but as they say, cocaine is a hell of a drug.
4 7 ALIVE AND KICKING –•– Simple Minds – 10 (4) — “Don’t You (Forget About Me)” is a truly awful song, but I don’t blame Simple Minds for it — I blame writer writer/producer Keith Forsey. The one good thing it did was to introduce the U.S. to Simple Minds, as their subsequent album Once Upon A Time made it to the top 10 and spun off three top 30 hits, lead by this, one notch away from its peak. The album paired Minds’s synthy/new wave background nicely with producer Jimmy Iovine, and you can very much hear it here — the way the song swells and moves foreshadows the work Iovine would do with U2 later in the decade.
5 2 SEPARATE LIVES –•– Phil Collins & Marilyn Martin – 12 (1) — Like #1 above, this is a #1 smash from White Nights (has a film ever been less likely to toss up two #1 hits?) by an artist in the midst of his Imperial Phase. Unlike “Say You, Say Me,” this is a gorgeous, triumphant divorcecore ballad, featuring Phil playing off against the unknown (then and since) Marilyn Martin — a smart move, frankly, so that he wasn’t overshadowed by his duet partner. This is one of Collins’s best vocals ever, in fact, in service to a sterling song written by Stephen Bishop. Oscar nominated, it sadly lost to Richie’s slab of blech.
6 6 ELECTION DAY –•– Arcadia – 9 (6) — The Power Station were absolutely unsubtle, hitting you over the head with pneumatics. This, the other Duran Duran side project, was much more artsy, or pretentious — take your pick. OTOH, only one featured Grace Jones on a guest vocal, and that certainly counts for something, sneaking her into the US top 10 via the trojan horse of Duran-dom. Any enjoyment I get from this is because of its ridiculousness, not in spite of it.
7 9 I MISS YOU –•– Klymaxx – 15 (7) — Klymaxx were an awesome six-piece all-female funk band, so of course their biggest pop hit was a wimpy ballad. They deserved so much better.
8 14 THAT’S WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR –•– Dionne & Friends – 7 (8) — Sure, it’s a Burt Bachrach/Carole Bayer Sager song and sounds like it in every way, but give Dionne, Gladys, Stevie, and Elton a hell of a lot of credit for recording and releasing this as an AIDS benefit single — it raised over $3M for the American Foundation for AIDS Research, aka AmFAR — in 1985, a time at which the Prez had yet to utter the acronym “AIDS” in public. In January, this knocked “Say You, Say Me” off the top of the AC, R&B, and pop charts, spending 2, 3, and 4 weeks atop them, respectively, going on to become Billboard‘s #1 pop single of 1986. This is a case, for me, where the quality of the art contained is nearly irrelevant in the face of the good it did.
9 12 SMALL TOWN –•– John Cougar Mellencamp – 8 (9) — Imperial Phase alert: this was the second of three top 10s and five top 40s from Scarecrow, an album that got much bigger than I think anyone expected, even after the success of American Fool and Uh-Huh. And coming off of this album, JCM earned a pair of top 10s from The Lonesome Jubilee, an album that today reads as proto-Americana. But back to “Small Town”: it followed lead single “Lonely Ol’ Night” to #6, ahead of “R.O.C.K. in the U.S.A.”‘s freak (to me) #2 success. These days it’s considered a standard of the ’80s, much moreso than the singles that came on either side of it; I’ll argue that’s because its lyrics and gist are simple and pure, and you can hear the sincerity in them.
10 8 SLEEPING BAG –•– ZZ Top – 10 (8) — While Mellencamp was getting rootsier in the mid ’80s, ZZ Top was embracing synths in a kind of unheard-of way for a band of their ilk, a trad Texas trio. As the lead single from Eliminator follow-up Afterburner, this was practically guaranteed a top 10 placing, and as you can see it got it, and then almost as quickly slid out of the chart. These days I think “Rough Boy” (the third single, peaking at #22) is more heard than this. It’s entertaining cheese whiz, though, with a predictably great guitar solo.

11 13 PERFECT WAY –•– Scritti Politti – 16 (11) — Perfect is right: this is perfect synth-driven post-new wave pop, fronted by a man with the voice of an angel.
12 16 TONIGHT SHE COMES –•– The Cars — 8 (12) — The dictionary definition of “treading water,” this is like an AI Cars song.
13 5 NEVER –•– Heart – 15 (4) — Ann & Nancy on amphetamines, and while I kinda love it, I’m not so sure it was a good idea.
14 18 WALK OF LIFE –•– Dire Straits – 8 (14) — Millions of sports bloopers thank these British puds.
15 10 WE BUILT THIS CITY –•– Starship – 16 (1) — No you didn’t.
16 19 TALK TO ME –•– Stevie Nicks – 6 (16) — You can talk to her. Especially if you’ve got a gram or two. (But seriously, a ridiculously produced, grand record.)
17 22 BURNING HEART –•– Survivor — 8 (17) — To quote Greil Marcus, what is this shit? Oh yes, it’s Survivor attempting to make lightning strike twice with the theme from Rocky IV, featuring the opening line “Two world collide/rival nations.” Because movie themes which include plot references are always a good idea, you dolts.
18 11 WHO’S ZOOMIN’ WHO –•– Aretha Franklin – 13 (7) — I’ll take this over “Freeway of Love” every single day.
19 21 EMERGENCY –•– Kool & The Gang — 9 (19) — “I need 10cc’s of hot passion,” nope, never, move along, ugh. Not even when the groove is pretty-locked-in ’80s pop-funk. Nope.
20 23 LOVE IS THE SEVENTH WAVE –•– Sting – 7 (20) — Because what everyone wanted to hear was Sting going to the islands, mon. Hands down his worst-ever solo single.

21 20 WRAP HER UP –•– Elton John — 9 (20) — Ostensibly a heterosexual anthem, in reality one of the gayest fucking things I’ve ever heard. And if you think the song’s gay, you really should watch its “A Salute to Beloved Divas!” video. Do I love this a stupid amount? Yes, yes I do. Is part of that reason George Michael’s falsetto backing vocals? Yes, yes it is.
22 26 CONGA –•– Miami Sound Machine – 10 (22) — Emilio Estefan was a very, very smart man, who knew just how to send his wife from the Latin pop minor leagues to superstardom, and this was the first salvo. Fun with a capital “f.”
23 28 IT’S ONLY LOVE –•– Bryan Adams & Tina Turner — 5 (23) — One of the toughest riffs Adams ever hitched himself to, and there was no one better to invite along than Tina Turner. They sound like peanut butter & jelly on this record, my favorite in his catalog, and one of my favorites in hers.
24 27 YOU’RE A FRIEND OF MINE –•– Clarence Clemons & Jackson Browne – 9 (24) — Nobody wanted this, except maybe Bruce and/or Browne fans. And even then…
25 37 I’M YOUR MAN –•– Wham! — 4 (25) — Ebullient ridiculousness from two guys who knew from ebullient ridiculousness, and one who knew from superb song construction, of which this is a fine example.
26 32 GO HOME –•– Stevie Wonder — 5 (26) — My third-favorite Stevie single: a perfect combo of that Wonderriffic synth riffing (I’m sure it was all written out, but it sounds off-the-cuff, to its benefit) and solid lyrics. No one in mainstream pop/R&B was making the synth sounds that he was in the ’80s.
27 25 OBJECT OF MY DESIRE –•– Starpoint – 13 (25) — Almost but not quite proto-freestyle; a year later, this would be Exposé.
28 31 SPIES LIKE US –•– Paul McCartney — 5 (28) — Maybe Macca’s worst-ever single? It was certainly beneath him.
29 30 EVERYBODY DANCE –•– Ta Mara & The Seen – 11 (29) — As middling MPLS Prince-fam ripoffs go, it’s not half bad.
30 33 GOODBYE –•– Night Ranger – 7 (30) — Sure, this band of guys who kind of split the difference between midwestern AOR and hoary hair metal were good for a fast one or two. But with the exception of evergreen “Sister Christian,” slow ones were not their forté, and this is a good (sad) example why.

31 15 LAY YOUR HANDS ON ME –•– Thompson Twins – 14 (6) — OH! LAY! YOUR! HANDS! — or not. They were better earlier; with success came an unwelcome calcification of their sound. After their first album, “Doctor! Doctor!” and “Hold Me Now” (the rare new wavish ballad that works) remain their peak(s).
32 44 MY HOMETOWN –•– Bruce Springsteen — 3 (32) — The boring-est, most “Cat’s in the Cradle”-ish single not just from Born in the U.S.A., but maybe in the entire Springsteen catalog. But as unstoppable as his hot streak was, it became the record-tying seventh top 10 single from the album.
33 29 DO IT FOR LOVE –•– Sheena Easton — 9 (29) — She tried to keep the hot dance-pop chart hits flowing after “Strut” and “Sugar Walls.” She failed. Which is a shame, because this Nile Rodgers-produced jam is fun.
34 17 YOU BELONG TO THE CITY –•– Glenn Frey — 15 (2) — The sax intro is fine, but once it’s over, the song goes straight to hell.
35 40 SEX AS A WEAPON –•– Pat Benatar — 5 (35) — Uh.
36 43 SIDEWALK TALK –•– Jellybean – 6 (36) — A fine little dance-pop not-quite-proto-house ditty co-written and with chorus vocals from a certain M. Ciccone, without which this wouldn’t have come anywhere near the pop top 40, I suspect. A throwaway, but a fun one.
37 24 SISTERS ARE DOING IT FOR THEMSELVES –•– Eurythmics & Aretha Franklin – 10 (18) — A would-be feminist anthem from a big-voiced Scot and a bigger-voiced Michigander that’s roughly the sum of its parts — i.e., not enough. It’s missing two crucial ingredients: soul, and a good song.
38 42 FACE THE FACE –•– Pete Townshend – 7 (38) — Because what everyone wanted in 1985 was another Pete Townshend solo album. A concept album, in fact!
39 45 WHEN THE GOING GETS TOUGH, THE TOUGH GET GOING –•– Billy Ocean — 4 (39) — This kind of pneumatic drill-pop suited Ocean just fine: the less subtle the song, arrangement, and production, the better, in fact.
40 38 SUN CITY –•– Artists United Against Apartheid – 8 (38) — The greatest charity single of all time, with a thumping Arthur Baker production anchoring a myriad of “cool” stars, from Run-DMC to Lou Reed to Bonnie Raitt to the holy trinity of Bruce-Bob-Bono. Even Little Steven can’t detract!

[Originally written in 2017.]